dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
