Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
