my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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