the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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