your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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