'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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