i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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