i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
