Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
