Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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