I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
