you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
