We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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