I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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