At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
