Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
