I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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