That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
