so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
