So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
