i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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