That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Never joke about your clitoris.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
