just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im just a social blackout drinker.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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