I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
