New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
