Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My balls are so social today.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
