i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
