Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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