1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
