She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
