That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
