Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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