Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
