Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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