It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
