Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
