I am puke
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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