now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
