If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
