her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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