I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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