we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
