Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
