i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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