I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
