Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
