There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
