just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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