there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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