I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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