There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
