How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
