how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
