we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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