Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
