is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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