I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
