What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
