Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You left your phone here
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