Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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