She announced her abortion via fbk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize