This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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