Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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