filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
