I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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