I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
