ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
