I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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